John Gooden

Presenter. Commentator. Writer. Producer

John Gooden is an international presenter, sports commentator, voice over artist and writer

Filtering by Tag: humour

Mobile phone rant number 2 and 3


The young people of today have found another use of mobile phones: they are mobile sound systems. If you really wanna annoy people, download the top ten 'grime' tracks (probably illegally, through one of those file sharing means), upload onto your mobile phone and whilst your waiting to get served your Big Mac meal at McDonalds, play it at full, tinny volume so that all the other hungry customers can hear that shizzle. When did this become socially acceptable? My tinnitus is bad enough without that angry music in street-speak shrieking out of some bad-boy's pocket. What’s wrong with headphones and an iPod? I've also noticed that the very same groups try to engage in conversation whilst that crap is spitting out of their phones. I blame the parents.


Mobile phones themselves are a essential part of today's lifestyle, though has anybody thought that the concept is also a little ill-mannered. By switching your mobile phone on you are giving someone, in fact anyone, the opportunity to climb into your pocket, car, onto your desk etc and shout ANSWER ME NOW. ANSWER ME. NOW! When someone contacts you, you could be in throws of passion with someone you love and some bastard on the other end of the phone is demanding your attention. That person wants you to stop the beautiful moment you are enjoying. Its possibly the moment that you sow your seed to bring about the birth of your child. They want you to stop and talk about bloody phone insurance. Yes you can press the silence button, but you have still had to break the rhythm. If it was on silent, it will probably be vibrating against the glass of water on the bedside table. If not then it will be flashing like an SOS signal "STOP SCREWING AND ANSWER ME!". Wrong, very wrong.  And what about those who aren’t satisfied with calling just the once and listening to “sorry I can’t come phone right now I'm having a liver transplant in a bid to save my life, but I'll get back to you asap". No, they call again, just in case that surgery finished ahead of schedule. Afterall, it is ringing!

Mobile phone rant number 1

I have a few issues with mobile phones.  OK, so we pretty much all own a mobile phone. They are no longer luxury items as there were in the 90s with the yuppies. I've had one since I was 17 and now kids of 7 are putting them on their Christmas lists. Old people have them too, I know this as my gran sent me an x-rated joke from hers only the other day! So now that we've established we all have mobiles, young and old, rich and poor, why is it that there's always someone on the train that has to let every other passenger know that he has a phone?? They're not exclusive, mate.  It’s not impressive anymore that you are communicating with someone that you cannot see or that possibly isn't in the same country. So have a little thought and whisper into the phone or shut the hell up.

Y'see, no one speaks into a mobile phone at a normal speech volume. It seems people forget all etiquette and force their conversations on other people. Take for example this situation: You are sat around a table with 6 friends and you are enjoying their company. You are discussing the finer points of why UK summer festivals are so damn expensive, then 2 fellas dressed in suits come flying through air, smash down into the middle of the table and talk over you about a marketing meeting in Birmingham next week and the fact they hope Claire will be there cos her assets are the best in the company. Would this annoy you? Yes it would, and why is that so different from some pleb forcing the same sentiments around carriage number 4 of the London St Pancras to Bedford? Its simple, tell them you'll phone them back. Don't tell the caller you are on a train and carry on regardless. This may in fact find you choking on your Blackberry Pearl after an annoyed passenger, who may share my moan, takes it upon themselves to silence you.

In Japan, it is socially irresponsible to make or take a call on public transport. If they do, because somebody has died or their mistress has just pissed on a stick and its turned blue, they whisper. More than this they cup their hand over their mouth and phone receiver and whisper. Nobody need know they were communicating...much better.